desire

Desire and wanting seem to be our most intimate of
feeling.... So much so that what I call me or even what
I call God can easily be linked to it --- so for example
we talk about love of God, the passion of the Christ ---
stuff like that....

Well, it's about time I think - experience - and just like
we are not our hand - we are not the ball that is thrown -
we are not our desire or our wants -----

So much so -- it hurts --- and I get lost --- the trail
is dimly lit --- but the stars do shine.

me or other and me and other

So love. What in the world? It's all in the world or out of it. And love is. Why?
I think that is a long story. It has to do with heat and light - with air and breathing.
With all that we do and say. It's a long story because it surrounds us and contains
us and all that we do and all that we are.

But love is a tool as well. It can be applied by the human mind as any other
force - all forces which eminate from virtue. And so without virtue there is
parenthetically nothing. So our long hard learning process is to understand how
to apply them to the world in which we live.

And then maybe, we'll think it's easy - but to love effortlessly must be a sublime
gift, just as much as loving with great effort or even abandon. And what about
hopelessness? Do you learn from that? Well, just what about pain, and learning.

All the things we do. Standing up, laying down, sitting, and walking. Listening,
looking, hearing, smelling. Everything we do.

And when great love is directed from one human being to another - it should be
guided and cared for. Because that love reflects back into all that we say, and
all that we do, and all that we are.

Today because of soltice we seee.....

for other

You know ....

if it is the distance or the closeness,
the fear or certainty,

the hardness or softness ?
the attraction or repulsion -

the coming or the going -
the high or low -

the end or beginning
the weakness or the strenth -

the weighty or foolish
the happy or sad

the timelessness or passing
the remoteness or nearness -

the last time or first time -
the memory or wish -

the clarity or confusion
the floating or falling -

the finishing or beginning
the winning or losing -

the strength or weakness
the answer or question

Whatever it is -
you know it ----

hold onto it ----
tenaciously -

promise -

and I will promise too.

pt/pa

just to start this is a start
and I hope there is a there here


Maybe I am on a journey from here to there
or maybe I have arrived here and am now
searching - looking for things that I can associate
with - trying to detect things which are familiar
and friendly. A color or a sound, maybe a shape.

I've thought the search was for a want or a desire or
a need. A desire for power and control - clarity -
understanding maybe sercurity or comfort. Really?
It could just be identity.

The terrain feels most unfamiliar and often uncomfortable.
My thoughts tend to be scattered - and it is often difficult
to focus - My feelings change frequently - there
is nothing specific to latch onto - and the feelings go from
one thing to another - sometimes angry - sometimes sad.
Sometimes regret - often uncertainty.

I remember things from time to time but the memories
do not really connect - they tend to be visual - like
shadows and don't hold alot of emotional content.

I could say that I'm looking for an answer - or a hint.
But it's all very thin and not specific -
Is it confidence I lack - companionship - or sense of
purpose.

Frequently or often it seems like good and bad -
dark and light - up and down - non- specific.
But I feel the search - there is a search.

Looking to find. And there is a sense of other. An other
that is constantly present - if not exactly present I feel the
other consistently. The other is specific and seems
often more clear than self. The other seems to
exude a confidence - maybe a light and more of
a sense of purpose and place. Sometimes the other
is remote - and sometimes the connection to other
is more difficult for me to make. Sometime that
connection is a source of satisfaction and comfort
and ease. And sometimes there is a sense of
conflict and confusion and uncertainty.

But the sense of other does not seem to go away - it
persists through a variety of conditions.

So where does this search lead me?

More power?
More happiness?
More control?
More comfort?
More security?
More?

It seems I have more questions than answers.
The questions seem to lead to more questions.

So I continue to look for the now now - and the there there.